


Halloween Is For Racists

by ImmoralOwl



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Alien Anal Probes For Fun, Cultural Appropriation, F/M, Get it? Butt, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Humor, I need sleep, I'm voting for sexy Nun, M/M, Mild Language, Mild Racism, Nothing Sexual, Peter's the butt of the joke, Trick or Treating, Well maybe one mention of Kraglin in a sexy costume, hahaha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 05:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16423124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmoralOwl/pseuds/ImmoralOwl
Summary: Peter wants to share one of his favorite holidays with his new family but he never gave Halloween costumes much thought until it gets pointed out and, yeah, maybe things are different with an outlook that's traveled the galaxy. He was like 8 the last time he went, alright?! It was just about candy and fun.





	Halloween Is For Racists

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of places are doing Halloween tomorrow since it's a Saturday and the rest are doing it on the 31st so here's your treat, or trick, I guess it depends on if you like the story or not lol

Peter loved Halloween. As a child it was his second favorite holiday, Christmas being first, because for one night he could be whatever he wanted to be. He could let go of all the problems of his tiny little young world, no homework, no curfew, eat as much candy as he wanted, just be free and happy. It was that feeling he wanted to share with his new family and added bonus they wouldn't even really need costumes. He should have known better than to think he could have nice things.

Rocket had cloaked the Milano once they touched down in the woods just out side of a little town and now they were all watching out the cockpit windows as Trick-or-Treaters started to trickle out of their homes.  
"Explain this to me one more time Star-Dork" Rocket said as he watched the happy children swing empty buckets and pillowcases around as they met up with each other or dragged their parents along behind them "people just _give_ you stuff, for _free_ , for asking Trick-or-Treat?". Peter rolled his eyes "yeah, Mr. Skeptical for free, some people actually feel good when they give stuff away, are you ready to go out?". Rocket frowned, but hey it was supposedly free stuff and free was always the best kind.

As everyone gathered near the edge of the forest a little girl dressed as a zombie walked past. Drax was quick to whip his daggers out "Quill, the dead walk the earth! Stand back!". Oh this was going to be a long night. Quill managed to grab Drax's arm to prevent him from chasing the terrified child down the street. "We went over this dude, it's just a costume" but a skeleton and another zombie later they all agreed Drax should stay to watch the ship. Mantis decided to stay with him, in case he needed some 'rest' as Quill had put it from watching the children out the window. It wouldn't do to come back to a ship surrounded by dead children even if the look would fit the holiday, and with that the remaining Guardians along with Yondu and Kraglin set off.

Rocket and Groot walked up to the first house on the block that had a light by the door. Rocket scrambled up Groot and rang the door bell. A lady dressed as a princess opened the door with a big smile "oh my gosh, what super great costumes" she exclaimed. Rocket and Groot held the pumpkin shaped buckets Quill had given them out to her, "Uh, Trick-or-Treat?" Rocket asked sheepishly. Plunk Plunk. A candy bar for each bucket. Groot's face lit up as he turned to the others and held up his prize. "Every house with a porch light on will give you something" Peter said once the pair reached them. "Freakin sweet" Rocket looked around "there's a TON of houses! This holiday rocks Quill" and with that he took off on a run "Keep up Groot" he shouted over his shoulder and soon both were out of sight.

A small child in a fancy black lace dress, a pointy black hat and her face painted green came up to Gamora "you're a really pretty witch too" the child singsonged to her. The smile faded from Gamora's face as she watched the child happily trot off down the street. "Peter, why does that child think I'm a witch?" she asked puzzled. "Um, you're green?" Peter wasn't sure why she was frowning at him, it seemed like a reasonable assumption, Gamora was green and dressed in black, it was Halloween, seemed kind of obvious. Gamora sighed "Your people do realize that witches are a religion, Wicca, right? There are practitioners of it throughout this system and only a miniscule amount of those have green skin. Dressing up like that seems..." she trailed off, it was just a holiday, meant for fun, she was sure the child or her parents didn't mean anything offensive by the costume choice. Peter frowned, huh he hadn't really ever thought about it.

As they walked a little further down the street Kraglin spotted a young lady with cat ears and a tail in a tube top and extremely _mini_ mini-skirt, "what's she dressed as Pete, she supposed ta be some kinda Betelgeusian?" he nudged Yondu and pointed her out. "Never seen one with titties tha' nice, or ya know tha' few of em" he laughed as he elbowed Kraglin back. Peter looked in the direction Kraglin had pointed, just to see what they were talking about and certainly not to sneak an ogle without Gamora noticing "She's just a sexy cat, a lot of girls dress up as sexy stuff for Halloween" he shrugged. Kraglin scrunched his nose up "Cats ain't supposed to be sexy, they's just.... cats". Yondu waggled his eyebrows at Peter "Ya Terrans got a thing, maybe Rocket o'tta start lockin' his door". Peter pretended to dry heave and continued to walk on ignoring the laughter and suggestive cat puns coming from behind him, looking around there were quite a few overly sexualized costumes. He didn't remember quite that much cleavage or thigh during Trick-or-Treat when he was little, but then again he was like 8 the last time he went. A shudder ran through him at the thought of Trick-or-Treating some where like the Eclector with Ravagers in sexy little numbers.

Several eye opening costume explanations later they happened upon a set of young triplet boys, two dressed as Native Americans and one dressed as a Cowboy with an arrow through his head. Gamora made the mistake of asking why it was meant to look like one of the two boys with the bow and arrows had shot the one with the weird hat. Peter began with an awkward and haphazard explanation about Christopher Columbus, confusion about not being in India, and settlers and natives fighting over land. Kraglin tried feverishly to get his attention but by the time Peter caught the desperate eye screams he'd already shot himself in his own head by letting the ' _savage_ ' word slip. Peter stammered as he looked anywhere but at Yondu "err I mean, not that they were lesser people or anything or like, I mean, that's just what they got _called_ and people thought about them and they don't even dress like that anymore..." he trailed off unsure how to finish.

Kraglin winced, Gamora winced, Peter held his breath. "So let me get this straight" Yondu slowly drawled out but it was never a good thing when that much of his accent got lost, "you Terrans think it's fun to dress up and practice.... practice..." Yondu waved his hand around trying to think of the word he wanted "Cultural appropriation" Kraglin supplied and Yondu snapped his fingers "That fun to you people? Making fun of stereotypes and branches of your own race. A whole holiday to be racist?" Yondu asked as he glared and crossed his arms over his chest. Peter didn't have to look at him to know they were all one wrong answer away from a blood bath. "I never thought of it like that. I mean, just... ugh, forget it. It's not supposed to be like that" Peter sighed in defeat. Of course Yondu would think that particular costume was offensive beyond belief given his heritage. This night had just turned into a disaster and Peter wasn't sure he could salvage it. Yondu snorted and grabbed Kraglin determined to stomp back to the ship and burry the dumb holiday in booze, maybe stop at one of those stores and get one of the sexy outfits they saw earlier in the night and convince Kraglin to put it on for his own Trick-or-Treat goody.

They didn't get far. Peter watched as Kraglin stopped and with wide eyes pointed down a side street at something before bursting into hysterical laughter. Yondu looked and bit his lip, looked back up the street at Peter and Gamora then nearly doubled over. It was Peter's turn to stomp down the sidewalk, obviously they were laughing at his expense, at least they were laughing though and not in murder mode anymore. "What's so funny?" Peter asked as he got to them. Kraglin looked at Yondu who stood up and looked back at him, both with as straight of a face as they could manage, then they looked down the bisecting street at the source of their mirth, back at each other and lost it again so hard they fell back sitting on the grass holding their stomachs.

Just turning onto the street was a group of teenagers with cardboard space ships around their hips and bald caps on their heads. In each of their hands was a very phallic looking device with a sign that read "Anal Probe" on it.

Gamora snickered and covered her mouth with her hand when Peter turned and starred at her gapping like a fish out of water. "Hey, hey, think tha's why he was so scared we first picked him up?" Kraglin gasped out between laughs and practically fell over into Yondu's lap as he flapped his hand at him. "Explains a hell o' a lot don't it" Yondu panted as he tried to catch his breath while still laughing. Gamora snickered again. Peter gave her a faux hurt look, she was supposed to stick up for him when the assholes ganged up on him. "Peter" Gamora said softly as she took his hands into hers "I want you to know.... I'm not _that_ kind of alien" and then she too broke out into full laughter. "You all suck" he announced as he rolled his eyes, pulled his hands out of hers and marched away from the trio but he was smiling when Gamora caught up and took his hand to walk along side him back toward the park. It took Kraglin and Yondu another good 15 minutes before they could compose themselves enough to catch up.

Rocket and Groot caught up with them just outside the park where the Milano was hidden in the trees. Drax met them in the cargo hold, excited by a weird tradition he and Mantis had partook in that she found on the info-web. He proudly showed off the intricately carved jack-o-lanterns that they had made while the others were out. Once in orbit Groot began eating candy from his pile while Rocket picked through his horde tossing what he didn't want at the other Guardians. Even better than the candy were the Terran coins Rocket and Groot got, Rocket traded Groot candy for his, "check it out" Rocket said holding his hand out and showing Yondu "some old guy ran out of candy and gave us these, Terran money's worth a mint to weird collectors being practically planet bound" he was already thinking of places to fence it at. "Lil' Pete's sure were" Yondu cracked a toothy smile at Peter. Well that explained where the money in his backpack went after he got surprise adopted.

All in all it was a pretty good Halloween.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like an hour and it hasn't been edited so if I messed something up let me know.  
> Betelgeusian, they're some dandy cats in space, baby!  
> Kudos and Comments are always <3


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